⑧ The Child Who Went Into Her Room

In the early 2000s, after meeting Admiral Yi Sun-sin — the commander who saved Joseon at sea during the Imjin War — through his poem "Hansando-ga," I began studying him again from the very beginning.

The Admiral Yi I met through "Hansando-ga" was not the man I had learned about at school.

His heart was lonely, his body was sick, he was slandered more than anyone, and one heartbreaking thing followed another. Even so, he went out to fight. Through that Admiral Yi I found comfort, and I was able to stand up again.

Even now I cannot forget what I realized when I first met him.

"How great, really, is my sense of injustice compared with the injustice Admiral Yi suffered?"

I stood up again. Without being shaken by such things as a sense of injustice, I was able to do my work harder, and with more smiles, than anyone. In that way I became the first head of the Turkey office, which I myself had pioneered and set up, and began life abroad as an expatriate with my family. Later I moved to Germany as head of our subsidiary there, oversaw the European market, and retired last year.

Meeting Admiral Yi brought many changes to my life, but it also led to something that still makes me feel ashamed from time to time.

Every so often I do something embarrassing: once I start talking about Admiral Yi to the people close to me, I go on for hours.

In the past I did not even think this was wrong. On the contrary, I thought I was doing something necessary — telling people a very important truth they did not know.

Who was the biggest victim of this way of thinking?

The one who suffered most was my one and only child, Siwon.

My head was full of the thought that, whatever others might do, Siwon at least had to know this much before going out into the world. How hard must all those hours of listening to me have been for Siwon? In the end, as soon as I so much as said Admiral Yi's name, Siwon would get up and go into her room. All the fault lay in my own excessive desire.

To be honest, at the time I did not even know it was my problem.

My wife, my sister, my close colleagues — all of them heard Admiral Yi stories from me for at least two or three hours at a time.

Even now, when I meet people, I can spin out Admiral Yi stories the way a spider spins its thread.

After talking like that for a long while, I sometimes felt a strange "catharsis," like the man in the old tale who shouts into the forest the secret that the king has donkey's ears, and feels his chest grow light.

But now I do not bring up Admiral Yi first with anyone — not even with the people closest to me.

That is because I have found a better way.

It is writing on a blog.

I can write whenever I want, as much as I want, and those who are interested can read whenever they want, as much as they want. What better way could there be?

But the past is already gone and cannot be helped, so I would like to take this opportunity to say that I am sorry to all those who had a hard time listening to my stories about Admiral Yi.

Finally, there is something I want to say to my one and only child, Siwon.

"Siwon, when you were little, whenever Dad started talking about Admiral Yi, you would get up right away and go to your room. Back then, Dad's desire was a bit too much. But if a day ever comes when you want to hear Dad's stories about Admiral Yi again, come to this blog and keep listening to the stories of the Admiral Yi that Dad met."

— Momcheolhak